Luis Suarez: Night of the Flapping Gums

Well he did it again!  Once more Luis Suarez takes a piece of a footballer and crams it tightly between his jaws.  In a bizzare twist however, this time the footballer is himself, the appendage his foot.

I refer of course, to the comments publicised today from his autobiography, that he felt he was “treated like a criminal” over his biting incidents.  We really shouldn’t be surprised by anything he does at this point.  The problem is, it’s just hard to accept that somebody is this oblivious or stupid.

First of all, biting someone can be a criminal offense.  Walking up to a stranger in the street and sinking your teeth into their shoulder would be deemed assault and you could face criminal charges.

Second of all, how has Suarez failed to learn the clear lesson here?  The incidents for which he’s faced punishment are bad enough.  What makes it worse is that he can’t seem to stop talking about them.  What sends it into orbit is that he persistently talks about these things like he’s the one who has been wronged!!!

From talking to biting, it’s like he literally has no control of his mouth.  It’s almost like a corny horror movie.  “Night of the Possessed Dentures”.  Is he wearing false teeth made from the bones of a corpse dug up from an ancient Indian burial ground?  Of course not: that would imply he’s had some kind of dental work done in his lifetime.

I’ve been saying this about Chompy Suarez since the notorious Patrice Evra racism incident.  As you’ll no doubt recall, after Patrice Evra claimed publically that Suarez had aimed a racial slur at him, he responded by claiming that while he had used a term relating to Evra’s skin colour, it was actually a term of endearment in his native Uruguay.

From what I’ve heard since that particular incident, it’s actually vaguely possible Luis was being truthful about this (though personally, I’ve never used an affectionate term sincerely, while rowing with one who’s barely an acquaintance).  However, what he seemingly failed to understand is that Evra and the UK as a whole were not aware of this fond petname for black people in his homeland.  All Evra knew was that he was in the middle of a heated exchange on the field of play and his counterpart had just addressed him specifically based on his colour.  In case you didn’t know Luis, that’s a cultural no-no in Western Europe.

Now giving the guy the benefit of the doubt and assuming he didn’t use the term maliciously, the normal protocol when one realises offence has been taken is to apologise regardless.  He could have made it so much better with something like: “While I maintain that the term used is not considered a racial slur in my homeland, I can understand why Patrice Evra may not have realised this.  I truly meant no offence and if any was caused, I sincerely apologise”.

It might not have gotten him entirely off the hook, but he’d have looked like a better human being, sanctions may have been less severe and his Liverpool teammates may not have had to sport the ugliest t-shirts since Jorge Campos got access to some fluorescent pens in the ’90s.  Then again, given some of Warrior’s LFC away kit offerings, it probably wasn’t that big a step down.

He doesn’t learn though.  Three high-profile biting incidents in a career underlines that.  His latest comments not only reinforce it but make his subsequent apologies seem substantially less sincere.  Even when he aknowledges blame for the bitings, he follows it up by blaming the pressures of the game and tries to justify things by claiming that players wind him up.  He claims he gets “irritated” because players hack him, because he may not be having a good game.

Sorry Luis, by reacting as you do, you invite those “irritations”.

It’s a shame that you don’t just punish such tactics by using your considerable talent to defeat them.  That alone makes them fail.  The other reactions just make their efforts worthwhile.

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